tags: cushion published on:
When you lose how do you deal with it?
Loss is a result of the actions of self-initiated fallacies. So loss takes a toll personally. Guilt is a free take-away of every loss.
How is loss ascertained?
When you have something and then you do not have it anymore then it is accounted for as a loss.
When the set of elements that we think of together when we contemplate on our self changes in any way, we have to perform an operation of re-calibration. When the set reduces, our re-calibration effort has to deal with dead spaces, with ghosts and account for things which are not present anymore so that on the whole we can manage to be the same. Our self tries best to remain the same as much as possible. There is insurmountable inertia.
When we have to go through a loss, we have to struggle to fabricate faux elements to keep our sense of self more or less stable.
Loss is dramatic, but when it is not easily acceptable to the system, when it is registered as a loss of information, it is quickly rejected.
For loss to be accepted by a system it has to be of a certain nature. We can lose our appendages but not our core. We can lose our flippant, surreal delusions but we can not afford to lost our angst.
Our angst defines us. Without our angst we are like refrigerated potatoes.
We have an angst that finds it very difficult to find words that can cast our angst into words. We cannot talk about our relationship with the world. Very curiously when we try to measure our angst for the world, we can only think of money.
The world owes us money. We are convinced about it.
We relate to the world on that premise.
If the world owes us money, like all creditors, we expect the world has to return it.
How do we get the world to pay us?
How do we explain our predicament?
The world can be educated to pay us back. that is the only option.
We provide all the necessary training to be able to learn to give.
To know how to give, you have to know yourself very well. You should know yourself well enough to not give away something that you want to keep.
The world does not know itself very well. So it cannot give very easily. It cannot even be engaged with the idea of giving without a risk of destabilising it. The world understands money very well. If asked to part with money, the world knows exactly what you are asking for and what it is worth.
An articulation of angst in the form of a precisely stated amount of money is very clear. The world can be caught off-guard, can be coerced to provide a knee-jerk reaction.
We benefit from these responses. These responses are not processed by the defence mechanisms that are entrenched in the world. We get access to a raw, visceral response that we cannot access in any other way.
Some of these responses will actually be successful in hitting vulnerabilities, hitting chinks in the armour. The world can be forced to relent sometimes. The world will pay.
Our angst is firing at the world incessantly and waiting for that moment in which we can get it to relent.